Post by Thunderstrike Kid on Dec 2, 2009 0:02:01 GMT -5
Voiceover: TSK and Friends is taped before a live studio audience.
[The scene opens in a living room, with Mr. Wujcik sitting on a sofa. He has his index cards ready, and waits for the cue from the cameraman.]
Wujcik: Ladies and gentlemen, I'm here in Narraganett, Rhode Island, at the home of ACWL Star Thunderstrike Kid. He recently made a surprise return, revealing himself to be the man in the Cyborg costume that rescued Steve Messier at ACWL's 10th Anniversary show. Without further ado, Thunderstrike Kid!
[Canned applause, and the camera view widens to show TSK sitting in a recliner, eased back a bit, dressed in black slacks and a yellow button-up shirt. He's holding an iced coffee in his hand, with a conspicuous green seal on the cup. He run a hand through his short, red hair and smiles as he awaits the first question.]
Wujcik: TSK, thank your for joining me... but I must immediately ask: How did you know Hate Monger would make his presence felt at the 10th Anniversary?
[TSK smirks, and begins answering in his very common sarcastic tone.]
TSK: Well, Woodchuck, I really can't say what the greatest give away was. Maybe it was because I had this existential premonition that he'd be there. Maybe it was all hope... I mean it might've just been a glory thing, to be the man to recover the ACWL Action Championship belt from Hard Man. But... I think it was because I could smell the stench of that absolute troll in the air for days ahead of time.
[Canned laughter. TSK takes a sip of his coffee, and continues on.]
TSK: You see, myself and Hate Monger have unfinished business. I prevented him from attaining that Action Championship years ago when he fought Steve Messier in a Ladder Match. And since we never got to bury the hatchet... firmly in one another's backs... I figured what better time than the reunion of ACWL to do so.
Wujcik: Don't you fear the retaliation of The Dark Legion?
[TSK laughs to himself.]
TSK: The Dark Legion? You mean the threatening stable consisting of two men... one can't beat up Octopus, and the other can't understand how a table of contents works. Between the two of them, they make up essentially one bully. One bully that hits like a girl and has Down's Syndrome.
[More canned laughter.]
TSK: And to be quite honest, I'm not going to fear someone who finishes people with The Chokeslam of Doom. Any move ending with "Of Doom" is obviously full of crap. It sounds like someone read too many comics and wanted to sound cool like Aquaman.
Wujcik: But Aquaman isn't cool.
TSK: Oh, yeah. I totally overlooked that fact.
[More laughter from the studio audience.]
TSK: Regardless, I'm taking a stand against their poorly named finishers. Against their cliche cloaked figures carrying torches gimmick. Against the refusal to accept and use the free sticks of Right Guard, Sure, Axe and Old Spice that I have delivered to Hoof 'n Mouth's household every day. But, mostly, I'm taking a stand against his constant pushing people around. I'm sick of him acting like he can insult and sneak attack whoever he wants.
[He pauses.]
TSK: I'M the one that insults and sneak attacks people.
[More canned laughter.]
Wujcik: Okay. Well, let's talk this upcoming Sunday. At Showdown, you'll be teaming with Squid and Octopus, once known as the Anti-Pirates, to take on The Dark Legion and Storm. This seems like a daunting challenge. What's your plan?
TSK: Well, Weeblewobble, I don't care if my partners were cardboard cutouts of Squid and Octopus... I'm still going to walk in with the same strategy. I'm going to make Hoobastank, Snuffleupagus, and Strom Thurmond all realize that I'M the greatest wrestler they'll ever face. I'll dissect body parts, I'll outthink, and I'll out maneuver each of them. I'll even let Squid and Octopus share some glory, as long as they don't screw it up.
[He takes another sip, and leans back a little in his chair.]
Wujcik: With all due respect, aren't you taking these dangerous men a little lightly?
TSK: You're right. I'm forgetting how much of their existence has been dead weight.
[More laughs.]
TSK: Seriously... I don't care what claims they'll make. I've faced men in every shape and size. I'm a FOUR TIME ACWL Champion. I'm a FOUR TIME ACWL Tag Champion. I've even held the North American Championship a couple times. I'm the only living IronMania winner. I've done it all. I've beaten everyone notable. And if the Mad Hatter wants to become somebody someday in ACWL, then he's gonna need to get in line and take his loss to Thunderstrike Kid as well.
Wujcik: Well, thank you for your time, TSK. And good luck in your match this Sunday.
TSK: Like I'll need it.
[The crowd cheers as some sitcomy tune plays and the scene fades slowly to black.]
[The scene opens in a living room, with Mr. Wujcik sitting on a sofa. He has his index cards ready, and waits for the cue from the cameraman.]
Wujcik: Ladies and gentlemen, I'm here in Narraganett, Rhode Island, at the home of ACWL Star Thunderstrike Kid. He recently made a surprise return, revealing himself to be the man in the Cyborg costume that rescued Steve Messier at ACWL's 10th Anniversary show. Without further ado, Thunderstrike Kid!
[Canned applause, and the camera view widens to show TSK sitting in a recliner, eased back a bit, dressed in black slacks and a yellow button-up shirt. He's holding an iced coffee in his hand, with a conspicuous green seal on the cup. He run a hand through his short, red hair and smiles as he awaits the first question.]
Wujcik: TSK, thank your for joining me... but I must immediately ask: How did you know Hate Monger would make his presence felt at the 10th Anniversary?
[TSK smirks, and begins answering in his very common sarcastic tone.]
TSK: Well, Woodchuck, I really can't say what the greatest give away was. Maybe it was because I had this existential premonition that he'd be there. Maybe it was all hope... I mean it might've just been a glory thing, to be the man to recover the ACWL Action Championship belt from Hard Man. But... I think it was because I could smell the stench of that absolute troll in the air for days ahead of time.
[Canned laughter. TSK takes a sip of his coffee, and continues on.]
TSK: You see, myself and Hate Monger have unfinished business. I prevented him from attaining that Action Championship years ago when he fought Steve Messier in a Ladder Match. And since we never got to bury the hatchet... firmly in one another's backs... I figured what better time than the reunion of ACWL to do so.
Wujcik: Don't you fear the retaliation of The Dark Legion?
[TSK laughs to himself.]
TSK: The Dark Legion? You mean the threatening stable consisting of two men... one can't beat up Octopus, and the other can't understand how a table of contents works. Between the two of them, they make up essentially one bully. One bully that hits like a girl and has Down's Syndrome.
[More canned laughter.]
TSK: And to be quite honest, I'm not going to fear someone who finishes people with The Chokeslam of Doom. Any move ending with "Of Doom" is obviously full of crap. It sounds like someone read too many comics and wanted to sound cool like Aquaman.
Wujcik: But Aquaman isn't cool.
TSK: Oh, yeah. I totally overlooked that fact.
[More laughter from the studio audience.]
TSK: Regardless, I'm taking a stand against their poorly named finishers. Against their cliche cloaked figures carrying torches gimmick. Against the refusal to accept and use the free sticks of Right Guard, Sure, Axe and Old Spice that I have delivered to Hoof 'n Mouth's household every day. But, mostly, I'm taking a stand against his constant pushing people around. I'm sick of him acting like he can insult and sneak attack whoever he wants.
[He pauses.]
TSK: I'M the one that insults and sneak attacks people.
[More canned laughter.]
Wujcik: Okay. Well, let's talk this upcoming Sunday. At Showdown, you'll be teaming with Squid and Octopus, once known as the Anti-Pirates, to take on The Dark Legion and Storm. This seems like a daunting challenge. What's your plan?
TSK: Well, Weeblewobble, I don't care if my partners were cardboard cutouts of Squid and Octopus... I'm still going to walk in with the same strategy. I'm going to make Hoobastank, Snuffleupagus, and Strom Thurmond all realize that I'M the greatest wrestler they'll ever face. I'll dissect body parts, I'll outthink, and I'll out maneuver each of them. I'll even let Squid and Octopus share some glory, as long as they don't screw it up.
[He takes another sip, and leans back a little in his chair.]
Wujcik: With all due respect, aren't you taking these dangerous men a little lightly?
TSK: You're right. I'm forgetting how much of their existence has been dead weight.
[More laughs.]
TSK: Seriously... I don't care what claims they'll make. I've faced men in every shape and size. I'm a FOUR TIME ACWL Champion. I'm a FOUR TIME ACWL Tag Champion. I've even held the North American Championship a couple times. I'm the only living IronMania winner. I've done it all. I've beaten everyone notable. And if the Mad Hatter wants to become somebody someday in ACWL, then he's gonna need to get in line and take his loss to Thunderstrike Kid as well.
Wujcik: Well, thank you for your time, TSK. And good luck in your match this Sunday.
TSK: Like I'll need it.
[The crowd cheers as some sitcomy tune plays and the scene fades slowly to black.]